Sunday, April 18, 2010

I'm Broke!



Romi: I’m broke!

Yinka: that’s no news; you’ve been out of work for months.

Romi: out of work?

Yinka: yea. You don’t come around my office anymore to sell your perfumes. How are you going to make any money sitting down?

Romi: but I have to be at my shop…

Yinka: your kiosk you mean, that 90% of your customers don’t know about. Be real girl. Who’s going to come all the way to Festac to get a bottle of perf?

Faiza: Yinka is right, Romi. You used to love hawking your perf around, moving from one bank to the other; now you don’t even bother.

Romi: but I’m getting old nah…

Yinka: at what age? Hahahaha! Jor don’t make me laugh.

Romi: moving from one end of Lagos was only for a season; I was supposed to outgrow that season and be more stable.

Yinka: then you have to find ways of reinventing your biz..

Romi: how?

Yinka: ask Oma. She sells everything imaginable on the planet…

Oma: wetin? Lol! I love the hustle, Romi doesn’t.

Yinka: give her a little tip on how to survive as a hustler in Lagos.

Oma: I just do my bit. I can’t be everywhere so I leave my complimentary card with prospects.

Romi: but I do the same. Na wa. I think perfume business is the worst hit in this recession…

Yinka: then what will you say of my own line of career. No one is bothered with advertising anymore. They strongly believe in word-of-mouth…

Faiza: what about my own line of business? My husband has cut my house allowance incredibly.

Yinka: sorry o, housewife…

Oma: lol!

Yinka: whatever happened to that small business you were trying to start a while back?

Faiza: did I not tell you that he hissed and told me it was ridiculous selling provision and stationary? Wetin I go do?

Yinka: you will continue to pester him, that’s what you must do.

Faiza: easy for you to say, you are not married.

Yinka: we have all had men at one point in our lives Faiza…

Oma: and still do!

Yinka: …so unless you tell us your husband is from mars…

Faiza: marriage is different please. Now he owns you….

Yinka: really?

Faiza: yes. He has paid your dowry and you bear him children…

Yinka: gosh, you sound like something from the 60s.

Oma: tehehehehe….

Yinka: how can a man own you to the extent you don’t know what you are or how you want your life to be?

Faiza: at least I am married….

Oma: and unhappy!

Yinka: hahahahahahaaha!

Faiza: whatever! At the end of the day, that is what defines a woman.

Romi: biko, remove me from that equation.

Oma: me too!

Yinka: Lol! Ah! you ladies won’t kill me.

Faiza: all the fashion and money and career mean nothing without a husband…

Yinka: are you trying to console yourself?

Faiza: me ke! You are the ones that are incomplete.

Romi: oh enough of this rubbish, Faiza! If nothing else I know you wish you had half the spirit Yinka has. She walked out on a promising marriage proposal with one of the hottest bachelors in town because he was trying to make her live his life even after a son together.

Faiza: How heroic. Yinka acts like she’s got a penis.

Oma: hahahahahaahaha! Eh! Faiza! When will you ever change? All these years as friends still you are so…

Faiza: so what Oma? Eh, so what? Don’t get me angry this afternoon o.

Yinka: ladies! ladies! no need to draw blood over issues. Truth is, whatever rocks your boat, please roll with it, yes?

Romi: after all this spit flying everywhere, I’m still broke o. Yinka jor, I need you to borrow me some money…

Yinka: ah! why me?

Romi: why not you?

Yinka: my son’s going back to school next week o. and you know that his school fees are back-breaking.

Romi: Faiza can you help?

Faiza: did I not just tell you that my husband cut my allowance into shreds?

Romi: Oma?

Oma: how much do you want?

Romi: erm, N25k.

Oma: ah! I don’t have that much o. I’ll give you 15.

Romi: thank you.

Oma: but you’ll wait till the end of the week. I have some money to collect from one of my customers. He bought bras, over ten for his girlfriend and told me to try them on.

Yinka: what?!

Oma: he said we were the same bust size.

Faiza: and you tried them on, abi?

Oma: yes nah.

Yinka: and he had to watch you try them on.

Oma: ah! It’s not like I had sex with him nah. He was buying in large quantities.

Romi: Oma!

Oma: abeg o! free me.

12 comments:

Myne Whitman said...

This is hilarious, especially the ending. Very engaging dialogue and realistic in the setting, well written.

Jay'sPLANET said...

I think Oma is a good business woman, with a firm determination to make sales. I really don't mind buying all her wares, only if she sells them the same way she sold the "strapped-textile-cups"

Joy Isi Bewaji said...

Myne: thanks myne. you are the first to launch your presence on my new blog!

jay: lol! I'm sure she'll sell it with that much oomph!

pamela said...

really feeling the Oma character...she is quite funny.

Joy Isi Bewaji said...

pamela: oh yes, Oma is the rib-cracker in their midst. welcome!

miz-cynic said...

omo I can relate with oma, I am currently dating a guy who sells female underwears, when i try to help him sell, I discover he sells more than I do, with all the "do u think this will size me" questions from the babes.He even tells them which one he feels will look hot on them.

Joy Isi Bewaji said...

miz-cynic: for real?! hahaha! that's hilarious. what a lucky job your man has got there. lol!

disgodkidd said...

lol. really cute, realistic, and very easy to read...your style of write is truly great...so when am i ordering my next book?

karo Akpokiere said...

Hilarious. :-)

Joy Isi Bewaji said...

kidd: thanks dear. my second book will be out before the last quarter of the year.

karo: thanks for dropping by :-)

Nolimit said...

I'm loving this!

Ayodele Alabi said...

I love faizat, she's such a typical Nigerian married woman, but Oma is my pesin...great bizznezz sense!